The Morning After

Nice work, pal. You did it. Between your sobbing and the name-calling, it was the best night of your life. Sad but true. Now what's going to get rid of that hangover? Yes, indeed; a bloody mary will do the trick nicely*. Now hold up a sec -- don't go buying some pre-made mix because a) it makes you look like a douchebag, and we are trying to hide that fact, and b) they don't taste as good as what you can make from scratch. Here's what you're gonna need:

V8 juice 12 Fl. oz (low sodium if you're a wuss, or have a bum ticker)
Fresh squeezed lemon juice (never EVER use store bought lemon juice) from 1 lemon
Worchester Sauce
Tabasco Sauce**
Salt and pepper
4 gallons of vodka
Various garnishes (celery -the classic, olives, lemon wedge, pickles, peppercini's, asparagus, vidalia onion, what have you)

Fill two highball glasses (the tall ones dude) with ice.

If it were me I'd stick a stalk of celery in a bathtub full of Vodka, but it's you, so put about 1 1/2 oz of premium vodka in over the ice.

Add half the lemon juice to each glass.

Add a dash or two of Worchester sauce.

Add a dash of Tabasco (the whole bottle if you're a real man like me) to taste.

Add fresh ground pepper if you can, or pre-ground will be ok. Add to taste. Same with the salt.

Fill the glass with V8 until you are about 1/2 " from the top of the glass. Mix.

Add your garnishes, drink, get drunk by noon. This should be repeated seven days a week.

*Bloody Mary's will cure your hangover but they wont get rid of your recently acquired itch. Sorry.

**Note: There are bloody mary's that get their kick from horseradish. They are good, but this is my preference. If you like horseradish in your bloody Mary then get the hell out of here you sissy. If your girl doesn't like the Tabasco, you may want to think twice about her***.

***No girl can resist the Tabasco, I'm just too much man.