Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Stuffed by a turkey.

Hey, so, yeah. Sorry about the delay, but it's hard to write a blog when you're black-out drunk for five days off tequila and gravy (called a Frisky Pilgrim) shots. What did you do that was so special? Oh, man. Your first thanksgiving with your special lady? Congratulations, now she'll be able to see what a true pig you are. Take solace in the fact that maybe she'll enjoy the honesty. No more "date eating", where you actually use a napkin, and use sentences that start with, "Please pass the".

What's that? You went to her parents house? Damn, dude. I hope you made a good impression. Hopefully this wasn't the first time you met her folks, so at least they'll be spared some of your awkwardness, but it isn't too late to make a good impression as a house guest.

My advice, when entering a house where you are undoubtedly being watched and judged at every waking moment (sleeping too depending on how creepy her uncle Paul is), you should make it a point to come bearing gifts. Just like the Indians brought the Pilgrims maize and taught them farming tricks. Do not follow the Pilgrim's lead and infect your girl's family with smallpox.

So, what to bring? Don't show up on thanksgiving too ambitious. Leave the cooking for the home team, after all, it's their show, their traditions, and their Indian princess you're violating, er, courting. That's what the kids call it now, right? Courting? John Smith are you with me? Don't show up with your mom's famous bean casserole. Don't mess with anything that will be on the table when dinner is served. These things are sacred, and thou whilst not make a gross cranberry jello something or other. Ever. However; one thing that is allowed on the table is a nice bottle of wine. Good work, dude! Now, this is thanksgiving, so be prepared to extend yourself and spend a little extra than what you'd usually get. They cooked a nice meal, and they should be able to wash it down with something nice. I'd say spend 18-30 bucks. If you need help at the wine merchant just ask. They'll suggest something safe and tasty.

If you are dead set on bringing food, try an appetizer. Does her dad like football? Try something that will work for the game. Perhaps some quality cheese and meat. Everyone loves a nice platter of snacks, and you'll be one step closer to the inner circle if you show up with a circular tray of cheeses, meats, veggies, etc.. Pizza rolls and High Life ain't gonna cut it today. Tomorrow, of course, but today, no.

Perhaps better than any tray of cheddar or bottle of Zin, is a simple thank you card. Chicks are all over these things. They hand them out like business cards. Write one of these bad boys up and you're on easy street. If you roll like I roll, be sure to pick up an apology card. Better luck next year.

The Frisky Pilgrim

1 1/2 parts Tequila

2 parts Gravy

2 parts Cranberry juice

Pour into a shaker with plenty of ice. Shake and pour. The gravy should be cool enough at this point that the fat will congeal at the top of the glass. Garnish with a piece of dark meat and serve.

1 comment:

Jet said...

The Frisky Pilgrim...yeah...gross!
Wine is good...and so are those cheeseball things.